Final Post

Here's what I wrote at the beginning of the year, contrasted with what I learned/think now. I'll keep the original post in white and make my comments yellow.

Who am I? This question is always so hard to answer. If the question was "what am I?" I'd have this down. I'm a living, breathing organism. A human, of the female variety (now, after taking this class, I understand so much more what it means to be a female and how society has shaped my views on gender.). When it comes down to who I am, though, I'm usually stumped. I guess the best answer is that I'm still figuring out who I am. I'm still searching for my place within the world (interesting, at least to me, to look back on our conversation about teens struggling to find a place in the world between childhood and adulthood. I felt - and still feel - that I don't belong with adults or kids... So where is my place in the world?).

But, of course, I can provide some facts about my interests and activities. I'm not sure that they define who I am, but they do determine who I spend time with, which I suppose shapes my identity in turn. I love theater. I audition as much as possible, and many of my friends are also involved in theater. I also enjoy writing. I have written several plays, one of which was performed as part of the 2008 one acts (and one was part of the one acts this year. I feel like writing helps me feel important in a way - I have a place in society, and I can do something I'm good at. In addition, my first play was about my philosophical beliefs about love and life and death, whereas my second one was about Disney princesses, archetypes, true love, and social change. My plays are actually powerful, which helps me feel like I'm making an impact). I also write poetry and the occasional short story. Currently, I compete on the Speech and Drama team. I've competed in the categories of Humorous Interpretation and Impromptu Speaking. But the thing is, I don't really think that my activities determine who I am. I think that I choose my activities because of who I am. I choose theater because I love the people, I love performing, and I love affecting the audience. I choose Speech and Drama, again, because of the people, and also because I'm very competitive. And I write because writing helps me understand the world better and helps me express myself (which is definitely really important for teens in particular). But why am I this way? What makes me a performer, and introverted (am I? I don't know...), and competitive? I think that's a part of why I want to learn about sociology: to better understand myself (I don't know if I understand myself better, but I think as a result of this course, I'm more conscious of the social forces that cause me to feel this sense of disconnect in my life).

The biggest influences in my life are probably my parents. They've put pressure on me since I was a kid. They want me to succeed, both as a professional one day and also as a person. They were also raised very differently than any of my friends' parents (cultural differences). My mother is South African, and my dad is Australian. My father was raised as an Orthodox Jew, and my mother grew up with apartheid. My father came to America to get his master's degree in architecture, and my mother came to find opportunities, to escape apartheid, and to be closer to her family, which moved years before her. Their cultures are very different than American culture. Their parents were very strict, and they both grew up surrounded by religion. Both attended Jewish schools until college. They have a very different perspective of what hard work is, because they were held to very high standards as teenagers (generational and cultural gap). They have tried to raise me by their standards. Sometimes I hate it, and sometimes I'm grateful. I hate that they want religion to be such a major part of my life, because I feel like I've never had a choice about being Jewish. I was never given a chance to determine my own beliefs. Yet I also think they've made me a better person and taught me the value of hard work and compassion.

My primary goal in life is to leave a mark. I want to be a positive presence in the lives of others, through my writing, performance, and kindness. I've been so affected by books I've read or plays and movies that I've seen, and I want to affect other people. I also want to be a good person and overcome the negative impulses that I think everyone has: impulses to hurt other people emotionally, for example. I also want to become a person conscious of the world around me. I don't want to be oblivious. I want to engage. (The community service experience really helped me with this. I left a positive mark on the world, and I took an active part in the world around me. I loved volunteering.)

Race in Crash

In the movie Crash, there is a Persian family that is discriminated against and robbed because they look "Arab." But as the father said, after being refused service in a gun store, "Since when is Persian Arab?" The scene really demonstrated that race isn't biological - if it was, people would be able to tell nationality by skin tone. Instead, race is socially constructed. The Persian family is mistreated because of the color of their skin, which is similar to the skin tone of someone who is an Arab. Our society teaches us to be wary of Arabic people. We are bombarded with images of Arab terrorists, and the news teaches us to ignore the many peaceful Arabs, which is why the man in the gun store says something along the lines of, "I'm not gonna sell a gun to an Arab terrorist."

In my personal experience, my father can be kind of racist in the same way. We're Jewish, and he is extremely pro-Israel. I'm all for Israel as well, but I think that Israelis and Palestinians must find a way to cooperate with one another. My father, on the other hand, refuses to accept that some of the Palestinians are willing to work for peace. He thinks they all have ulterior motives. He believes that all Muslims, not just extremists, are anti-Israel. But that's not true. I have a friend from Afghanistan who is Muslim, and my dad doesn't think I should be friends with her. She's honestly the sweetest person I've ever met, and I know that she doesn't wish Israel or the Jews harm at all. But my dad sees her skin, and he knows her religion, and he associates her with militant Palestinians. It's completely ridiculous. Even though her skin is a similar color, she's far from an extremist. And my dad is determined to change my mind and create a lasting impression on the mind of my sister. She recently did a presentation about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict for her World History class, and my dad read through her presentation and told her to change some things. I was in the next room over, and I overheard him say, "You know why the Palestinians do what they do? Because Islam is a religion that teaches that suicide is honorable." It angers me that he's trying to brainwash my sister with something that isn't remotely true. My father groups people based on their religion and skin tone, without thinking about how not all Arab Muslims are the same.

Another example was something I blogged about at the beginning of the semester, about my mom's experience with race in South Africa. I'll recap the story: she rode a train with a "tan" girl who was going to visit her family. When the girl got off the train, she joined a black family. She was their daughter, and in the eyes of apartheid, she was black. But because of her pale skin, she was able to ride in the white cars of the segregated trains. Race is so subjective - there's no way to "tell." The idea of race is socially constructed, and we try to draw lines between people of different pigmentation when biologically, race doesn't even exist.

Race

Right now, I'm reading a book that I just can't put down (except to write my sociology blog!). It's called Middlesex, and it won the Pulitzer prize a few years ago. Anyway, as I was reading, one part reminded me of what we discussed in sociology a few days ago. One of the characters, Desdemona, needed to find a job. She's Greek Orthodox, and back in Greece, she worked with silk worms. She finds an advertisement for silk workers, and so she goes to try to get the job. The job is in a poor black neighborhood in Detroit, which terrifies her. The job itself is at a mosque, and they only hire black, Muslim workers. Even though Desdemona is Greek, they decide she's biracial: white and black, because they really want to hire her. It just goes to show how subjective race is.

Another thing, which I talked about in an earlier blog, is how race was perceived in South Africa, where my mom grew up. (Here's the blog: http://theaterbex.blogspot.com/2010/02/race-and-south-africa.html) One thing that I didn't mention in the blog was that in South Africa, during apartheid, you could petition to have your race changed. People were black, or colored, or Malaysian, or white, or whatever, but if they could get permission from the government, their race would be legally changed, and the way society treated them would change as well.

In this blog, I also wanted to talk about my recent experience with explicit racism. I'm Jewish, and I was walking down the halls of Stevenson one day, and I heard two guys having a conversation. One of them said, "I wish all the fucking Jews would go away. They make the school look bad." The other one agreed. Hearing the conversation upset me. Every ethnic and racial group has been through its own share of hardships. For Jews, that hardship has persisted for centuries. Back in Egypt, we were enslaved; later, our Temple was destroyed (twice), and we were banished from our homeland; for years, we endured discrimination in Europe and in the New World; and recently, Hitler (and all those who went along with him) killed six million Jews. Even though I have lived in America my whole life, and no one has ever directly threatened me, I'm still very scared of anti-Semitism. In Constitutional Law last year, we learned about the court case National Socialist Party of America v. Village of Skokie, which ruled that it was unconstitutional to prohibit Neo-Nazis from marching through Skokie, an area that is mostly Jewish. I'm all for freedom of speech, but if I had been there, I would be terrified out of my mind. It seems to me that freedom of speech is important, as long as it doesn't cause ethnic and racial groups to feel persecuted and terrified.

In the Heights - And Its Connection to Social Class

My current favorite musical is In the Heights, by Lin Manuel Miranda. It tells the stories of people living in Washington Heights, in a really crummy "barrio" that revolves around a bodega, a hair salon, and a taxi cab company. There are a few characters I want to focus on.


Nina's story:
Nina is the daughter of Mr. Rosario, who owns the taxi cab company, which he started as a young adult with his wife. Nina, a high achiever, was one of the only people in her high school class to graduate. She got into Stanford and was the pride of her neighborhood... But since her father didn't earn much and her scholarship only covered part of her tuition, she had to take on two jobs to cover the difference. She was so busy working that her grades dropped and she lost the scholarship. Her father resolves to do whatever he can to pay for her education, so he sells his business at a fraction of what it's worth, and all his taxi drivers lose their jobs.


Benny's story:
Benny is one of Mr. Rosario's drivers, and the only black guy in the neighborhood, which is entirely Latino. Even though he's friends with a lot of the younger people in the neighborhood, the upper generation has trouble accepting him. When he starts dating Nina, Mr. Rosario refuses to accept their relationship because Benny isn't Latino. Race is a big barrier in their relationship.



Abuela Claudia:
Abuela sings this song, "Pacience y fe," in which she talks about her experience coming to America as a young girl. Her mother thought they were coming to a land of opportunities, but they end up having to work as maids, where the rich white population treats them like scum.
"So we cleaned some homes, polishing with pride, scrubbing the whole of the Upper East Side. The days into weeks, the weeks into years, and here I stay."
Abuela came to America to find opportunities, but instead, she got stuck in poverty. Out of necessity, she spent her whole life working for the upper classes, with no room to move into a different class.


Mr. Rosario's story:
His father (and his father's father) was a farmer, and he was the first person in his family to try to do something different.
"But I told him, 'Papi, I'm sorry, I'm going further. I'm getting on a plane, and I'm gonna change the world someday.' And he slapped my face."
In this song, Mr. Rosario makes his decision to do whatever it takes to send Nina back to college, because he was discouraged from pursuing his dreams. (Like the girl in the video, who "was getting above her raisin.')


So basically, this whole neighborhood is made up of minorities who are trapped in their class. The main action of the play (there are so many stories, but I guess this is one of the most major story lines) is that someone in the neighborhood won the lottery, which is $96,000. Most upper middle class people wouldn't think of that as a lot of money, but to the people of the barrio, it's huge.


Some lyrics from the song "96,000":


"If I won the lotto tomorrow, I wouldn't bother goin' on no spendin' spree. I'd pick a business school and pay the entrance fee. Then maybe if you're lucky, you'll stay friends with me. I'll be a business man, richer than Nina's daddy. Donald Trump and I on the links and he's my caddy. My money's makin' money, I'm goin' from po' to moto! Keep the bling, I want the brass ring like Frodo!"
In this part of the song, Benny raps about what he would do with the money: go to business school and become new wealth. He wants to escape his class. Furthermore, he doesn't want bling, which is showy, non-classy wealth; he wants a brass ring, which is subtler and more classy.

Usnavi (the main character - who I didn't mention before, but whatever) replies:
"Oh no, there goes Mr. Braggadocio. Next thing you know, you're lyin' like Pinnochio."
He instinctively distrusts all people at the top, thinking that they didn't get where they are honestly.

Benny says later in the song,
"For real though, imagine how it would feel goin' real slow down the highway of life with no regrets and no breaking your neck for respect or a paycheck."
People at the bottom of the class system have so much trouble earning money or getting to relax or being respected. They can work twice as hard but get paid next to nothing because they're being paid minimum wage.

Sonny, the political activist, says he would get computers for the neighborhood. He says,
"Your kids are leaving without a good edumacation. Change the station, teach them about gentrification. The rent is escalating, the rich are penetrating..."
Sonny notices that the problem is in the school system. All the wealthy kids are being taught how to be rich and how to succeed, but since the barrio school has no money and because it doesn't teach the kids that they're worth something, practically no one graduates, and then they all get stuck in a rut.

After the show, I got to go to a talkback with some of the actors. A lot of them commented on how the stories in the show reflect the stories of their families. They all said how amazing it was to be part of a show that reflected their experiences as minorities in the lower class. I love the show, and it's uplifting, but ultimately, I had to wonder: why aren't we doing more to change this? We need another war on poverty (speaking of which, time to study for my APUSH test tomorrow!).

- Bex

The link to the recording studio video of "96,000": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSTjRUMfOKI Give it a listen. The song is really good.

Rules

Last year, I took Constitutional Law, and we discussed the court case Regents of the University of California v. Bakke. Bakke, a white male, was rejected twice from med school at the University of California, even though minority applicants who were less qualified than him were admitted. The Supreme Court precedent was that racial quotas are inadmissible, but affirmative action is A-OK. When we first studied the case, I sympathized with Bakke. It always sucks to see others get something that you think you're more qualified for, and he definitely was more qualified in terms of test scores. But ultimately, I decided I agreed with the Supreme Court precedent. The way society is set up keeps the poor poor and makes the rich richer, and in order to create a society where people are truly equal, we have to try to narrow that gap.

In Con Law, I got a lot of criticism for my views on socialism and communism. I said that even though they don't work in practice, as ideas, they're pretty great. When I took Con Law, the presidential election was going on, and many people in the class said that they were worried that Obama would be too socialist. I disagreed. I didn't think any of his plans were too radical (I still hold that opinion) and that perhaps they would help. Remember, FDR's New Deal helped many people through the Depression, and while his programs were not exactly socialist, they were a great example of big government helping the people.

The recession has hit many people hard. But even though my parents aren't millionaires, we've still been living fairly comfortably. My parents even commissioned an addition to our house recently. Sure, they'd always dreamed of a sun room and a larger kitchen, but I was appalled that we were expanding (and taking out loans to do so - in this economy!) when so many others were cutting back. I wish my parents had taken into consideration all the people who find themselves homeless, all the people who are incapable of escaping poverty, and all that we could have been doing to help the dreams of others. Sure, I like the sun room. The kitchen is nice. But when I think about the unemployment rate and the numbers of homeless people, I wish we hadn't had the addition in the first place. People can condemn socialism all they want, but the rich are only going to get richer and the poor will only get poorer unless we redistribute some wealth. Humans are so obsessed with money, which I think is ridiculous. How can we be happy living comfortably in the suburbs when people are struggling to eat in the slums? We need to care more about others.

Positive Deviance

Last Saturday night, my sister and I went out for dinner and planned to go to Showcase afterwards. However, we thought the show started at 7:30, when it had actually started at 7:00. So instead, we went to Brunswick Zones, up near the mall. We played a couple games, and then my sister wanted to go play the kiddie arcade games. They're kind of like Chuckie Cheese games, where you buy tokens and play for tickets, which you can then use to get prizes. I spent two dollars on tokens, just because I'm a sucker for kiddie games. Anyway, I ended up getting the jackpot on a game I played, which was 300 tickets. My sister was really jealous, because she had spent at least five dollars, so I gave some of my tickets to her and then asked the guy at the counter (they had to manually count the tickets, because the machine wasn't working) to just add the rest onto the total of the next little kid to play at the arcade. He was kind of surprised that I wanted to do that, because I guess most people don't say things like that, but he agreed. As my sister and I drove home, I imagined a little kid getting a bunch of extra tickets, and hopefully being happy. It made me happy to think about it.

What people say is true: when you do things for others, you feel good about yourself. Most of the time, society teaches us to keep to ourselves. When other people say things that are offensive, we're supposed to keep quiet. It's considered weird to speak up. Most people ignore homeless people begging on the streets. When people cry, most others ignore them. But if we tried to help other people more, I think the world would be a much better place. Helping others benefits them, but if you need a self-directed motive, helping others makes you feel really good about yourself.

Masculinity and Homophobia

When we talked in class about how masculinity is intrinsically tied to homophobia, I really connected it to my own life. Sure, I'm a girl, but so many times, guys have acted really homophobic around me, and now I understand that it's part of their need to assert their masculinity.

I'm an FMP, and there's a kid in my advisory who I'll call D. He's a scrawny kid with a delicate face. There's another kid who I'll call N. He dresses like a gangster, has received numerous in-school suspensions, and has no respect for authority, which includes his FMPs. N will bully D relentlessly, and when we ask him to stop, he just picks on D more because he thinks that D needs others to fight his own battles. Our faculty advisor has referred N to his dean many times, but N literally doesn't care at all about being punished. He got expelled from two middle schools and hasn't learned anything from the experience. Anyway, one day, N was making fun of D, coming up with nicknames for him, and he said, "D 'fag' [last name]." I was in shock that he would say that, but two of my co-FMPS (who are guys) LAUGHED about it! I wanted to say something, but N, though a freshman, is kind of scary. None of us really know how to deal with him because he so obviously doesn't care at all about any punishments we threaten him with. I really regret not speaking up, and it still bothers me that my two co-FMPs, who are supposed to respect others, LAUGHED. I've always thought I'm an assertive person, but maybe I am a socialized girl, completely docile.

Yesterday on the bus, two guys behind me were making fun of this guy who had flowers and was walking with his girlfriend (they were holding hands) to school. We got stuck at the tracks behind a freight train, and as we waited, the guy handed the girl the flowers and then kissed her. The guys behind me were like, "Dude, that guy is SO gay." Remembering what Sal said the other day about girls standing up to guys about their homophobia, I turned around and said, "Oh, yes, he's obviously gay for kissing that girl. He definitely likes guys." One of the guys replied, "No, we're not saying he's LITERALLY gay. He's just whipped." I told them, "Oh, so you don't think guys should give girls flowers? Okay, let's see you find dates to prom." That shut them up. I'm glad I said something, but I also wish I could have found a way to do so WITHOUT attacking their masculinity (saying that they're incapable of getting girls).

So I've been noticing masculinity and femininity a lot recently, and I think it's really interesting to see how we've all been socialized to act.

Over and out,
Bex

Body Image

I think every girl relates to the pressures to be "perfect." When I was in 8th grade, my best friend had what I, and many of our other friends, thought was an eating disorder, though she will to this day refuse to call it that. Anyway, she would constantly count her calories and take pride in how little she could eat. Back in 8th grade, I was a small kid, maybe about 4'9". She was about 5'4". I remember one time, she asked me what size jeans I was wearing, and I was wearing a two. She was so proud of the fact that she was wearing a double zero, and she made me feel bad about myself, even though thinking back now, a two is still really skinny, and she obviously had a big problem if she was so competitive and proud about her jean size. Now I'm four inches taller than I was then, I wear a much bigger jean size, and I try not to care.

Change of subject: One thing that I've always debated internally is the bikini issue. I mean, the bikini reveals so much - it's basically underwear. You could easily see it as clothing that turns women into sex objects. Right now, my friends are getting ready for summer and trying to be healthier so they'll feel confident in bikinis. I think feeling confident is really important for girls, but I kind of wish we could feel confident without feeling the need to show off our bodies to men. For my self-designed essay last semester in AP English, I actually wrote about growing into womanhood. A lot of what I see in people around me is self-validation through the attention of guys. I talked a lot about Halloween and the things that some girls do: dress like prostitutes so that guys will notice them. One of my friends literally told me, "It's the only time of the year that we can dress for guys without being called sluts." Why do we need to dress for guys? I think it's kind of ridiculous. We have all these societal pressures that force girls to subjugate themselves in the interests of men, and I think it's really sad.

Anyway, that's all for now!
- Bex

French Exchange

I just got back from the French exchange on Monday afternoon, and it was a fantastic experience. Not only were the food and people just the best, I also picked up on a lot of cultural differences. Since we recently wrapped up our culture unit, I thought I'd back-track a little bit and mention some interesting cultural differences.

The one difference that I found the most interesting was that French teenagers can drink at the age of sixteen, but they can't drive until they're eighteen. In America, it is most definitely a fact that many teenagers drink illegally. I think the danger comes in when these teenagers, who hide their drinking from their parents, get into cars. In France, teenagers can drink if they want, but they have to call their parents to get picked up. By the time we reach the age of twenty-one, we've all been driving so long that I think that even though drinking is legal, it's not always safe. Though people may try to adhere to the .08 limit, I still think by then we're just too comfortable in our cars. We don't necessarily take the caution we should. French teenagers can experience alcohol, get over the novelty of it, and then get their licenses. It seems smarter and safer to me.

Something else that interested me was French bathrooms and showers. The French keep their toilets in separate rooms than their toilets, which, thinking about it, seems really smart to me. After I came back home, I went to take a shower and saw the toilet next to it. After being in France, it just seemed so nasty and gross to me! Why put the dirty toilet in the same room as the thing you use to get clean? Another thing about French showers is that they have hand-held heads. What you do is rinse your hair and body, then turn off the water, shampoo, then turn it back on to rinse, turn it off, condition, and so on and so forth. At home, my showers probably use gallons and gallons of water, but in France, I felt so much less wasteful. The French seem to really value prudent use of resources. What would happen if all Americans took showers the French way? Our water bills would be lower, that's for sure. My idea for world change is that we all start taking French showers, and then donate the money we save to organizations that bring clean drinking water to other countries, like that well charity we're raising money for with the t-shirts. What do you guys think?

A couple things before I wrap this up:

You wouldn't think that other countries would have different keyboards, but it's true. In French, certain letters are used with different frequency than in English. For example, in French, the letter Q is very frequently used! Take a look at the French keyboard:

Another thing, quickly, is that brands are packaged differently in France. I use Herbal Essences shampoo, but when I went to a French grocery store, I didn't even recognize it. Maybe we can get Herbal Essences like this in the States too, but I've never seen it (image on the right). Compare it to the kind I use (image on the left):

The packaging for the image on the right emphasizes nature, whereas on the package for my kind, the only thing remotely nature-related is the name of the brand. The package is glaringly orange. In America, we're very interested in modernity and newness, but in France, they were so proud of the natural beauty of their land. They have monuments that have been preserved from the Roman times. America is a much newer country, and we've always exuded energy and drive for better and more modern things. I think these differing attitudes are definitely reflected in the packaging of the hair care products.

That's all for now! - Bex

Money

After talking about Daniel Suelo, the man who lives in a cave, I started thinking about my own goals in life. Suelo abandoned money because he realized it made people unhealthy and unhappy, and upon thought, I think he's right. Money doesn't make me a happier person at all. I constantly fight with my mom over how much money I owe her and how much she owes me, between my allowance, my paychecks (which she cashes for me), and the money I borrow from her. And I love shopping and acquiring new STUFF. I mean, do I really need it? Does it really make me happy? Well... Probably not. I mean, I feel cute in new clothes, and I love to feel good about myself. But that also just shows how much importance I place on my appearance, which probably isn't so healthy either.

When I tell people I want to be an actress, they often assume it's because I want to be rich and famous. That's not what I want. I want to be known, but not famous. But that's not WHY I want to be an actress. See, people listen to entertainers. From the first moment I got onstage, I realized that the best way to get people to hear what you have to say is by entertaining them. When I act, the words of the playwright and the vision of the director speak through me. I'm a vessel for larger things. My greatest dream is to belong to a theater company like Steppenwolf, where the actors are often writers and directors as well. Because I'm happiest when I'm with others who share my goals. I'm happiest when I'm in the theater, because theaters are where real magic happens. Where actors become people with a need, and the audience becomes a part of that need. The theater is a place for sharing and for learning to empathize with others, and a place to see the world in a different way. And that's the environment I want to spend the rest of my life in.

Kind of a short blog post today... I'm leaving for France on Tuesday (!!!!), and I have tons of homework and packing to do. Au revoir!

Dependency

Morrie talks to Mitch about being dependent on others, and raises an important question: What's so bad about dependency? We're dependent as babies, and we're dependent when we become too old to function.

I think Americans are particularly afraid of dependency. Since the American Revolution, we have had an obsession with independence. I think we're so obsessed with independence because dependence makes us vulnerable. We have a huge national problem at the moment: we're dependent on other countries for oil, countries that threaten our national security. Our dependence has gotten us into a huge mess. On a micro level, dependence on other people often causes problems. If you're emotionally dependent on a friend who stabs you in the back, well, you collapse. No one likes to be screwed over and left for nothing, so most Americans just find it easier not to become dependent in the first place.

A problem that I see with the world is that the need for independence often seems to come at the cost of others. Let me explain: Independence entails power. Being dependent is perceived as being submissive. We admire people who don't seem to need others: the successful businessman in a black suit who rides the train everyday and reads the paper instead of talking to the people around him. Independence, and indifference, both signify a special kind of power: the kind of power that makes other people insignificant. I blame this kind of power for all the hate in the world: the kind of power that allows rulers to impose totalitarian rule over their subjects, and allows the majority to imprison the minority, even in - and often ESPECIALLY in - a democracy. And it's this kind of power that causes sick and twisted men in South Africa to kidnap teenage girls and to force them into prostitution. This is just one of the horrible crimes going on in this world.

Morrie points out in his story of the wave that we're all part of the ocean of humanity. I cannot understand how anyone can possibly dehumanize others. We all should be dependent on others. I mean, no man is an island, right? But we fear dependence, and in seeking independence, many people unconsciously or even consciously cast the rest of humanity aside, instead of supporting each other. (By the way, don't confuse independence with freedom. I think everyone should be free but dependent, if that makes sense.) I just don't understand why all this hatred exists. We all come from the same origins. Everyone needs to start caring more, to be willing to need and love others. In the words of the incredible Jason Mraz, "We're just one big family. And it's our God-forsaken right to be loved."

French Culture

I'm going to embark on the French exchange in less than three weeks, and in preparation for the trip, all the American students went to dinner at Le Titi de Paris to learn about French culture. Looking at it from a sociological perspective, I'm going to try to deconstruct some of the lessons we learned.

First off, in French, if you're addressing a superior, you use "vous" instead of "tu." Both words mean "you," but "vous" actually means "you plural." The French respect authority greatly, and if I had to guess, perhaps they use "vous" to convey that the person they're addressing has the importance of many people in one. I was concerned about this, because I've never remembered to call my French teacher, for example, by the "vous" form. It just doesn't make sense to me, which is my ethnocentrism, I guess. So I asked Mr. Weil what would happen if I called a superior by the "tu" form. He said it wouldn't be a big deal. It's more of a folkway than anything, but some people will correct you.

Here's another thing: In America, putting your elbows on the table used to be a no-no, but now it's considered a folkway. However, in France, it's the opposite. It's actually extremely rude to put your hands in your lap. They must always be above the table. I thought about why they might have this particular more, and came up with a hypothesis. The hands do everything, and my best guess is that when your hands are invisible, it's a sign that you're untrustworthy. If your hands are under the table, they have no way of knowing what you're doing.

Mr. Weil also explained that the French students, even those who aren't always on the exchange, always know who the American students are. Not just because we aren't exactly proficient in the language, but also because we look and act differently. The French dress very conservatively. They wear dark and plain colors, never wear sweatpants out of the house, and think that ripped jeans are damaged. They also keep their emotions very controlled. Apparently, they all seem to think Americans are insanely happy because we laugh and smile way more than any of them do. My theories are that the French like to look very put together. They place importance on looking collected. Hence the neat, dark clothes and stoic demeanor.

Finally, the French seem to really value the time they spend with their families. Mr. Weil said that it wouldn't be uncommon to go to dinner at the houses of multiple extended family members. He also told us that dinner would be a five course meal every night, and that conversation would continue for the entire time. I felt pretty guilty about the food we fed Estelle, my exchange student, while she was living with us. We wanted to expose her to American culture, so we got Chicago style pizza. But she's used to long meals of quality, not cheap food that her dad just picks up on the way home from work. From Mr. Weil's descriptions of French dinners, I gathered that they really value each other's opinions. Mr. Weil told us that we should brush up on our current events, because our host families are sure to ask us what we think about things going on in America, not to mention the rest of the world. The French really value knowledge and awareness. They also really value quality.

So, I'm going to France very soon, and hopefully, I'm aware enough of their culture to manage! We'll have to wait and see.

Race and South Africa

Today in class, we discussed the racial groupings in South Africa during apartheid. My mom is South African, so I thought it would be interesting to talk to her about her experiences.

In South Africa during apartheid, everyone had what was known as a "Book of Life." It contained a ton of information about the person to whom it belonged, including his or her race. Apartheid was much like segregation, and there were limited opportunities for people who weren't white. Train cars were segregated, among other things. My mom remembers one time that she was riding the train and started talking to this girl sitting nearby. When they both got off the train, the girl was met by her family, and my mom saw that her family was racially mixed. But since the girl only looked tan and not "colored," she was able to board the white car without hassle.

I asked my mom about her experiences coming to America. I told her about our conversation in class and asked if she remembered living in a country where people differentiated between black and colored. She did. I asked her if she identified African American people that way when she came to America. She told me that she didn't classify people as black or colored, but if someone was lighter than another, she would observe that they had mixed ancestry. She still thinks that way today.

I don't know if anyone here has heard of the Capitol Steps, but they are a musical political comedy group. I remember during election season, they put out a song called "A Leader Named Barack," to the tune of "Leader of the Pack." There was one line that went, "Is Obama black? Not very... Not like Whoopi Goldberg, more like Halle Berry." It just occurred to me that as Americans, we can't describe people of mixed race like Obama and Berry. We don't have the words for it. So they're both light-skinned blacks. But Berry is easily as light as any tan white woman. I asked my mom how she would classify both, and she said that Goldberg is black and Berry is of mixed ancestry. She asked me how I classified them, and I told her I always thought they were both black, even though I observed a clear distinction between their skin colors. It's really interesting to see that since Americans don't have the language to describe race as acutely as South Africans, we perceive people differently.

Race is such a sensitive subject, which I find interesting. We feel completely comfortable describing the color of someone's hair, but skin color is a different story. I remember when I was in 9th grade, I wrote a paper on apartheid for World History, and I struggled. I couldn't say "African American," which I thought was the politically correct term, because South Africans aren't American. But black seemed derogatory, even though I describe myself as white. A black girl I know hates being called "African American" because she's, in fact, Jamaican. History is so fraught with race tensions that no one wants to step out of line.

Valentine's Day

I watch a lot of TV, including Cougar Town (which is my guilty pleasure show), 30 Rock (which I genuinely love), and Community. All three shows recently aired episodes focusing on Valentine's Day. In Cougar Town, Jules tried to find someone to spend Valentine's Day with. In 30 Rock, Liz Lemon scheduled a root canal so she wouldn't have to deal with being single on Valentine's Day and then learned she needed to find someone to drive her home afterwards, which she couldn't do because everyone else had Valentine's Day plans. In Community, Pierce and Troy were very disappointed not to receive Valentine's Day gifts from anyone. All episodes showed how Valentine's Day can often just draw focus to the lack of love in one's life.

What does all this mean? Well, I think Valentine's Day has become way too big. It's gotten to the point where single women (and maybe even men?) feel terribly alone on Valentine's Day. People who are in relationships often make such a big deal out of it. And the media doesn't exactly help. Around Valentine's Day, advertisements for jewelry skyrocket, for example. And when you go to the grocery store, the card and balloon aisle is lined in red and pink.

Valentine's Day supposedly celebrates love, but as Mr. Sal pointed out in his blog post, it's really about romance. You never give your parents gifts on Valentine's Day, for example. It's not about parent-child love. It's about rose petals and Cupid's arrow and all that romantic gloop.

I think the supersizing of Valentine's Day is pretty much exclusively American. My mom took me on a college trip over the Valentine's Day weekend, and she and my dad both forgot about it until a few days afterwards. I'd be interested to learn how important it is in other cultures, especially non-Anglican ones.

Cookie Thief

I think we all often judge people before we really know them. I can immediately think of two cases where I was judgemental about people before I truly knew them. One time, I judged on appearance, and the other, I formed my opinions based on rumors. Both times, I was proven wrong, and I felt pretty stupid.

The first time was at my theater camp over the summer. We were put into groups and each group had to put on a production. Our group went through some major drama. One girl in my group had this terrifying breakdown, because my counselor chose the directors of the show, and she wasn't picked. She started screaming and throwing things at everyone in the group, and when my counselor asked her to calm down, she screamed, "No! I'm sick of the popular bitches getting everything they want." My counselor tried to calm her down, but she refused to comply. After her breakdown, our group was sent outside while the camp administrators dealt her. She ended up being sent home. Anyway, while we were outside, one of the girls who had been chosen to direct started crying. The other girl comforted her and tried to calm us all down. They were very human and normal and truly nice, and I felt bad. First off, I felt terrible that they were attacked like that by this girl in our group. But I also felt guilty, because I had also judged these two girls. They were gorgeous and fashionable, and I made a faulty generalization about them. I had also thought that they were popular bitches, but after I got to know them, I realized that both were geniunely nice people.

The second time was earlier this year. I had just had a horrible fight with my best friend. She told me she wanted to take a break as friends. It came as a very abrupt shock to me, and I started crying hysterically right in the middle of the hallway. I sat down in the elevator well by the West Auditorium. As I cried, at least four people I knew walked past me, and all of them looked at me and turned away. I know that it's a difficult situation to deal with, to see someone crying. You never really know what to do. But right then, I didn't want to be left alone. I wanted to feel as though someone, anyone cared about me. That help came from someone I didn't expect at all. He has a reputation as being a promiscuous asshole, and I never really thought he was capable of any compassion. I didn't know him at all, though. But when he saw me crying, he sat down next to me and asked me what was wrong, and made me laugh through my tears. I was so grateful for his compassion, and I really learned that people are way more than just their reputations. Reputations minimize people. And while I know the guy that helped me is promiscuous, and he can be an asshole to people he doesn't like, I also know now that he is more than that.

So instead of thinking I know people because of what I've heard about them or because of my observations on their appearance, I now know that such "knowledge" is nowhere near enough.

Micro vs. Macro

Within my family, we have a hierarchy. My father is at the top, closely followed by my mother, followed by my sister and myself. The dog is at the bottom of our structure. My dad usually has the final say on everything, and even when my mom disagrees, she usually goes along with his decisions so as not to cause unwanted tension. My sister and I often have very little control over anything, and the dog is essentially a passive figure, either to be disciplined or loved but never really considered when making decisions.

In American culture, and, in fact, Anglican cultures in general, families are usually headed by men, which is macro sociology controlling our family structure. Until fairly recently, women didn't have many rights. I think that the notion that women are inferior to men came from way back when, when women were gatherers and looked after the children while the men hunted. Men are naturally more athletic, and thus, they became the providers of food. The survival of the family was usually in their hands. As time wore on, men came to think of themselves as superior, probably not realizing the influence and importance mothers have in the lives of their children. This idea continued, at least in America, up through the early 1900s. Men shaped a role for themselves as providers, and women shaped a domestic niche for themselves. These roles originated back in the Stone Age.

My mom was one of the first girls in her town to have a Bat Mitzvah, and in Judaism, women often are considered secondary to men, because they are considered to be less responsible for their actions. At services, it's more important for men to focus, because what they say and do actually matters in the eyes of God, so women are separated from them so the men won't be distracted. That's a more Orthodox take on Judaism. My parents were both raised in that environment. Now our family is Conservative, and I was raised in an egalitarian synagogue and always taught that I could do just as much as boys. I think, though, that the early influences of Orthodox Judaism and this age where women were still considered secondary really shaped my parents. I don't think that when I have a family of my own I will play the same role as my mother. I've been raised to believe in myself, and I'm angered by all the injustices that women still face today. I will share power with my husband, not borrow it from him.

But there are definitely other forces at work within my family - our personalities, or the microsociological aspect. My father is a very dominant person. He makes himself heard, he has a quick temper and a stern manner when he wants to make a point. My mother doesn't like conflicts, and when they occur, she often supports my father. Yet she's the one who smooths things over after a big fight. I would say that their personalities cooperate to give my dad power. Yet I would say that I have my dad's worst traits: his stubbornness, quick temper, and unwillingness to admit I'm wrong. We clash often because of our similarities. My mother is an emotional person, and both my sister and I are too, which can also aggravate circumstances. Our personalities, shaped by our genes, but also by the circumstances under which we were raised (including the assertion that we can do anything we put our minds to, which has only made us more stubborn), cause conflicts within my family and thus control who has power.

Today, Salituro mentioned that an alien race might think that dogs are superior beings to the rest of us. My dog is usually completely unaffected by our conflicts. She'll snore placidly on the sofa and pay no attention to us. In a way, she kind of acts like a superior being, unconcerned by our petty disagreements. But every time my sister storms out of a room, she makes a beeline for the dog, who licks my sister's face and allows herself to be sobbed on. When she's done something wrong, though, it's clear that she's completely inferior. My dad will chastise her, her tail will immediately go between her legs, and she'll slink off to a corner to stew in her shame. My dog is actually pretty complicated to explain. I feel like she has a personality. She has very expressive eyes, and I can always tell what she wants. She's just adorable, and her silly grin always cheers me up. We joke about her, saying things like, "Her highness wants to go outside again." In a way, she does control us. We look after her and almost worship her - cooing over her and kissing her nose and whatnot. (Well, my dad doesn't. He's disdainful of dog worship.) But she really has no say in anything that happens. She can't voice an opinion, and she doesn't understand and doesn't care about our fights. She's both the supreme comforter and the most unimportant of us all. The fact that she isn't human sets her apart from our power struggle almost completely.

Power

In the movie Freaks and Geeks, we all observed the power struggles at play between the different characters and conflicting groups. Power struggles or structures aren't just apparent in shows like Freaks and Geeks or movies like Mean Girls. They exist everywhere, through all our lives.

I want to mention a very interesting exercise we did in my directing class. My teacher, Ms. Gecker, placed five chairs onstage: four red ones and a black one. She then asked us to arrange the chairs in ways that would clearly give one chair power over the others. The resulting tableaus were very interesting. Many people tipped the "subservient" chairs forwards. We all immediately associated this position of the chairs with the way people used to kneel to emperors, kings, queens, etc. I thought it was very interesting that we were all able to see the chairs as people. The way the chairs were placed gave them connotations of body language. Some other people merely changed the line-up of the chairs, placing one apart from the others, with the remaining chairs "facing" towards them. It was very clear that the chair that stood apart was in power.

In our lives, we often have structures that reflect power, and we don't question them. In school, the teacher's desk is always bigger than the student desks, and it stands at the front of the room, with all the student desks facing towards it. In a courtroom, everyone faces towards the judge's table. Upon entering an office building, one usually encounters a receptionist's very prominent desk. At a restaurant, the host or hostess has a special stand near which everyone waits to be seated. Most of our tables are rectangular, and the most important figure in attendance sits at the head. We have these physical set-ups that clearly reflect power and control. What would happen if a student sat at the teacher's desk or if someone climbed over the receptionist's desk in order to speak to the person behind it?

Another thing I want to mention about the chair exercise is that people frequently put the black chair in power over the red chairs. It's interesting to note that what made this chair different also gave it power. In the show Freaks and Geeks, the ruthless Alan has so much power over Sam and the other "geeks." He's different than them, but he's also different from the other students. During the dodgeball game, another kid referred to him as a psycho. I'm interested in how Alan became that way. Did they call him a psycho, and in response, did he become what they already thought he was? Or if not, what factors about his environment turned him into the person he is?

When I was a kid, my parents would always tell me that the mean and nasty kids I encountered on the playground were just dealing with problems of their own. And in a sense, I can see why that might be true. I knew a girl who would verbally attack me on a regular basis. Finally, I found out that her father abused her. We don't always know the circumstances that make people the way they are. But I'm also frustrated by the attitude that my parents had. They wanted me to ignore those other kids on the playground, and later in life, the kids at school who also made fun of me. And while I recognize that they were probably just trying to take control over something, anything in their lives, I didn't understand why it had to be me. Why are we so fixated on power that we have to know we're superior to other people? Why do we have to control others? Why do we need power? What is so wrong with just letting everyone be?

Growing Up Online

I read a very interesting book a couple years ago: God's Debris. The book was completely fascinating, and I'll link to it at the bottom of this page. It wasn't so much a book as a thought experiment. The author, Scott Adams, gives us two characters: a deliverer of packages, and the receiver of a package: an old man who knows everything. The man who knows everything sucks the other one into an extensive conversation about life, the universe, God, etc., in a modern Socratic dialogue of sorts. He questions the delivery man incessantly - probing, thought-provoking questions about probability, free will, and God's omnipotence. In the process, he explains the universe to the package delivery man. The old man reasons that the only challenge to an omnipotent God would be to see if he could destroy himself, assuming that his omnipotence would disappear along with his destruction. And according to this old man, God did exactly that, in the Big Bang, and matter and probability (which governs our universe) were formed out of the debris. He says that our purpose in life is to put God back together, or rather, on some larger level, every single cell in our bodies is ordering us to put God back together, because every single molecule in the universe is part of God, and he's willing it to happen. How is this connected to the Internet? Well, the old man explains that the Internet is how we're coming together as one again. The Internet contains most of the knowledge in the world, and as our technological capabilities grow, so do the contents of the Internet. In the words of the old man, "Society's intelligence is merging over the Internet, creating, in effect, a global mind that can do vastly more than any individual mind. Eventually everything that is known by one person will be available to all. A decision can be made by the collective mind of humanity and instantly communicated to the body of society." Now, I'm not trying to convert anyone here. I don't necessarily agree with everything the old man says, though I'm not intelligent enough to fault his logic (Scott Adams actually challenges his readers to find the flaws in the old man's arguments). But this idea that the Internet is making us collectively more knowledgeable interests me.

My parents grew up without the Internet, and for information, they turned to encyclopedias and non-fiction books. Yet I have my own computer and constant access to this worldwide knowledge database. I think that the Internet has played a huge role in shaping my mind. I have a wide range of interests, and the Internet only serves them. If I'm writing a story, and I need to do some research, the Internet is always at my disposal. It has made gaining knowledge easier for me.

But, of course, this instant gratification has made me a more impatient person. It's harder for me to read textbooks, because I always feel like I could learn more quickly online. Knowledge also isn't exactly a novelty to me anymore. My dad prizes his encyclopedia collection, which is actually kind of beautiful. He has a full set of Encyclopedia Brittanicas, bound with deep red leather and gilded with gold writing. It was his bar mitzvah present from his parents. For my bat mitzvah, my parents gave me a computer. It's much less personal, and a lot less beautiful, and in a few years, it will be obsolete. It will stop working eventually, or it will slow down and I'll switch to a new model. But my dad's books will live on, even if they are a little bit outdated.

And even though the Internet makes gaining knowledge easier, it is also redefining how we connect to other people. I think it's partially taking the genuineness out of life. It's so easy to create a facade online, to make yourself out to be another person. And video chat has made it so much easier to stay at home, instead of actually going to meet your friends. I have often imagined a bleak future, in which we become affixed to our screens, so much so that "having someone over" means transmitting an image of the rooms of your house to screens that cover the walls of theirs, and then talking through video chat and enjoying coffee made by standardized machines, or something along those lines. But that's a very negative outlook. I prefer to see the Internet as enabling communication. It's not like I, personally, have sacrificed actual relationships with my friends. We still literally enjoy each other's presence. But mediums like Facebook or AIM have made communication easier. Since mostly everyone I know has a Facebook account, it's much easier to talk over group message than it is to conference call or hang out with people who live far away. I have many friends who live in Colorado, and Facebook has kept me in contact with them.

I'm not going to deny that I'm a different person over Facebook. I'm bolder, and I say things that I wouldn't necessarily say in public. I've had several fights with friends over Facebook, just because I can go into a long rant without anyone to interrupt me.

My opinion on technology is that it has the capability to enrich our society with knowledge, but also the ability to distort who we are and make us more impatient, irritable, and disconnected from humanity. Right now, it can pretty much go either way. Technology can either pull us apart or bring us together, and how we react to it will determine which way it goes.


God's Debris:
http://nowscape.com/godsdebris.pdf

About Me

Who am I? This question is always so hard to answer. If the question was "what am I?" I'd have this down. I'm a living, breathing organism. A human, of the female variety. When it comes down to who I am, though, I'm usually stumped. I guess the best answer is that I'm still figuring out who I am. I'm still searching for my place within the world.

But, of course, I can provide some facts about my interests and activities. I'm not sure that they define who I am, but they do determine who I spend time with, which I suppose shapes my identity in turn. I love theater. I audition as much as possible, and many of my friends are also involved in theater. I also enjoy writing. I have written several plays, one of which was performed as part of the 2008 one acts. I also write poetry and the occasional short story. Currently, I compete on the Speech and Drama team. I've competed in the categories of Humorous Interpretation and Impromptu Speaking. But the thing is, I don't really think that my activities determine who I am. I think that I choose my activities because of who I am. I choose theater because I love the people, I love performing, and I love affecting the audience. I choose Speech and Drama, again, because of the people, and also because I'm very competitive. And I write because writing helps me understand the world better and helps me express myself. But why am I this way? What makes me a performer, and introverted, and competitive? I think that's a part of why I want to learn about sociology: to better understand myself.

The biggest influences in my life are probably my parents. They've put pressure on me since I was a kid. They want me to succeed, both as a professional one day and also as a person. They were also raised very differently than any of my friends' parents. My mother is South African, and my dad is Australian. My father was raised as an Orthodox Jew, and my mother grew up with apartheid. My father came to America to get his master's degree in architecture, and my mother came to find opportunities, to escape apartheid, and to be closer to her family, which moved years before her. Their cultures are very different than American culture. Their parents were very strict, and they both grew up surrounded by religion. Both attended Jewish schools until college. They have a very different perspective of what hard work is, because they were held to very high standards as teenagers. They have tried to raise me by their standards. Sometimes I hate it, and sometimes I'm grateful. I hate that they want religion to be such a major part of my life, because I feel like I've never had a choice about being Jewish. I was never given a chance to determine my own beliefs. Yet I also think they've made me a better person and taught me the value of hard work and compassion.

My primary goal in life is to leave a mark. I want to be a positive presence in the lives of others, through my writing, performance, and kindness. I've been so affected by books I've read or plays and movies that I've seen, and I want to affect other people. I also want to be a good person and overcome the negative impulses that I think everyone has: impulses to hurt other people emotionally, for example. I also want to become a person conscious of the world around me. I don't want to be oblivious. I want to engage.