Dependency

Morrie talks to Mitch about being dependent on others, and raises an important question: What's so bad about dependency? We're dependent as babies, and we're dependent when we become too old to function.

I think Americans are particularly afraid of dependency. Since the American Revolution, we have had an obsession with independence. I think we're so obsessed with independence because dependence makes us vulnerable. We have a huge national problem at the moment: we're dependent on other countries for oil, countries that threaten our national security. Our dependence has gotten us into a huge mess. On a micro level, dependence on other people often causes problems. If you're emotionally dependent on a friend who stabs you in the back, well, you collapse. No one likes to be screwed over and left for nothing, so most Americans just find it easier not to become dependent in the first place.

A problem that I see with the world is that the need for independence often seems to come at the cost of others. Let me explain: Independence entails power. Being dependent is perceived as being submissive. We admire people who don't seem to need others: the successful businessman in a black suit who rides the train everyday and reads the paper instead of talking to the people around him. Independence, and indifference, both signify a special kind of power: the kind of power that makes other people insignificant. I blame this kind of power for all the hate in the world: the kind of power that allows rulers to impose totalitarian rule over their subjects, and allows the majority to imprison the minority, even in - and often ESPECIALLY in - a democracy. And it's this kind of power that causes sick and twisted men in South Africa to kidnap teenage girls and to force them into prostitution. This is just one of the horrible crimes going on in this world.

Morrie points out in his story of the wave that we're all part of the ocean of humanity. I cannot understand how anyone can possibly dehumanize others. We all should be dependent on others. I mean, no man is an island, right? But we fear dependence, and in seeking independence, many people unconsciously or even consciously cast the rest of humanity aside, instead of supporting each other. (By the way, don't confuse independence with freedom. I think everyone should be free but dependent, if that makes sense.) I just don't understand why all this hatred exists. We all come from the same origins. Everyone needs to start caring more, to be willing to need and love others. In the words of the incredible Jason Mraz, "We're just one big family. And it's our God-forsaken right to be loved."