Micro vs. Macro

Within my family, we have a hierarchy. My father is at the top, closely followed by my mother, followed by my sister and myself. The dog is at the bottom of our structure. My dad usually has the final say on everything, and even when my mom disagrees, she usually goes along with his decisions so as not to cause unwanted tension. My sister and I often have very little control over anything, and the dog is essentially a passive figure, either to be disciplined or loved but never really considered when making decisions.

In American culture, and, in fact, Anglican cultures in general, families are usually headed by men, which is macro sociology controlling our family structure. Until fairly recently, women didn't have many rights. I think that the notion that women are inferior to men came from way back when, when women were gatherers and looked after the children while the men hunted. Men are naturally more athletic, and thus, they became the providers of food. The survival of the family was usually in their hands. As time wore on, men came to think of themselves as superior, probably not realizing the influence and importance mothers have in the lives of their children. This idea continued, at least in America, up through the early 1900s. Men shaped a role for themselves as providers, and women shaped a domestic niche for themselves. These roles originated back in the Stone Age.

My mom was one of the first girls in her town to have a Bat Mitzvah, and in Judaism, women often are considered secondary to men, because they are considered to be less responsible for their actions. At services, it's more important for men to focus, because what they say and do actually matters in the eyes of God, so women are separated from them so the men won't be distracted. That's a more Orthodox take on Judaism. My parents were both raised in that environment. Now our family is Conservative, and I was raised in an egalitarian synagogue and always taught that I could do just as much as boys. I think, though, that the early influences of Orthodox Judaism and this age where women were still considered secondary really shaped my parents. I don't think that when I have a family of my own I will play the same role as my mother. I've been raised to believe in myself, and I'm angered by all the injustices that women still face today. I will share power with my husband, not borrow it from him.

But there are definitely other forces at work within my family - our personalities, or the microsociological aspect. My father is a very dominant person. He makes himself heard, he has a quick temper and a stern manner when he wants to make a point. My mother doesn't like conflicts, and when they occur, she often supports my father. Yet she's the one who smooths things over after a big fight. I would say that their personalities cooperate to give my dad power. Yet I would say that I have my dad's worst traits: his stubbornness, quick temper, and unwillingness to admit I'm wrong. We clash often because of our similarities. My mother is an emotional person, and both my sister and I are too, which can also aggravate circumstances. Our personalities, shaped by our genes, but also by the circumstances under which we were raised (including the assertion that we can do anything we put our minds to, which has only made us more stubborn), cause conflicts within my family and thus control who has power.

Today, Salituro mentioned that an alien race might think that dogs are superior beings to the rest of us. My dog is usually completely unaffected by our conflicts. She'll snore placidly on the sofa and pay no attention to us. In a way, she kind of acts like a superior being, unconcerned by our petty disagreements. But every time my sister storms out of a room, she makes a beeline for the dog, who licks my sister's face and allows herself to be sobbed on. When she's done something wrong, though, it's clear that she's completely inferior. My dad will chastise her, her tail will immediately go between her legs, and she'll slink off to a corner to stew in her shame. My dog is actually pretty complicated to explain. I feel like she has a personality. She has very expressive eyes, and I can always tell what she wants. She's just adorable, and her silly grin always cheers me up. We joke about her, saying things like, "Her highness wants to go outside again." In a way, she does control us. We look after her and almost worship her - cooing over her and kissing her nose and whatnot. (Well, my dad doesn't. He's disdainful of dog worship.) But she really has no say in anything that happens. She can't voice an opinion, and she doesn't understand and doesn't care about our fights. She's both the supreme comforter and the most unimportant of us all. The fact that she isn't human sets her apart from our power struggle almost completely.