Masculinity and Homophobia

When we talked in class about how masculinity is intrinsically tied to homophobia, I really connected it to my own life. Sure, I'm a girl, but so many times, guys have acted really homophobic around me, and now I understand that it's part of their need to assert their masculinity.

I'm an FMP, and there's a kid in my advisory who I'll call D. He's a scrawny kid with a delicate face. There's another kid who I'll call N. He dresses like a gangster, has received numerous in-school suspensions, and has no respect for authority, which includes his FMPs. N will bully D relentlessly, and when we ask him to stop, he just picks on D more because he thinks that D needs others to fight his own battles. Our faculty advisor has referred N to his dean many times, but N literally doesn't care at all about being punished. He got expelled from two middle schools and hasn't learned anything from the experience. Anyway, one day, N was making fun of D, coming up with nicknames for him, and he said, "D 'fag' [last name]." I was in shock that he would say that, but two of my co-FMPS (who are guys) LAUGHED about it! I wanted to say something, but N, though a freshman, is kind of scary. None of us really know how to deal with him because he so obviously doesn't care at all about any punishments we threaten him with. I really regret not speaking up, and it still bothers me that my two co-FMPs, who are supposed to respect others, LAUGHED. I've always thought I'm an assertive person, but maybe I am a socialized girl, completely docile.

Yesterday on the bus, two guys behind me were making fun of this guy who had flowers and was walking with his girlfriend (they were holding hands) to school. We got stuck at the tracks behind a freight train, and as we waited, the guy handed the girl the flowers and then kissed her. The guys behind me were like, "Dude, that guy is SO gay." Remembering what Sal said the other day about girls standing up to guys about their homophobia, I turned around and said, "Oh, yes, he's obviously gay for kissing that girl. He definitely likes guys." One of the guys replied, "No, we're not saying he's LITERALLY gay. He's just whipped." I told them, "Oh, so you don't think guys should give girls flowers? Okay, let's see you find dates to prom." That shut them up. I'm glad I said something, but I also wish I could have found a way to do so WITHOUT attacking their masculinity (saying that they're incapable of getting girls).

So I've been noticing masculinity and femininity a lot recently, and I think it's really interesting to see how we've all been socialized to act.

Over and out,
Bex